(In)Frequently Asked Questions

Because FAQit, that’s why

Who are you?

I’m just some guy who lives in a pretty rural area in Spain. I work from home, and I’m on my own during the week. I have a lot of cats here.

How many cats does the Dimension of Cats contain?

Currently 8. Note, currently. This has fluctuated with up to 10 at times.

Why do you have so many cats?

Search me. They just kind of accumulated.

I like cats, but I haven’t had one in many years. One summer evening, not long after buying the house, I sipping my whiskey on the back porch, watching the sunset, when a grumpy-looking, beat up, mangy old tom showed up and sat down at a safe distance, so we just chilled, two dudes hanging out. He showed up every now and then, and at some point he didn’t show up any more.

I think barn cats materialize out of the ground, and when it’s time to go, they go somewhere and dissipate back into the ether, into one diffuse cosmic cloud of cat-ness, from which new cats form.

One day, Ma Barker was there. The next day, Ma Barker was there with four kittens – Lucie, Gopnik, Rorschach, and Squeaky Octopus.

She wouldn’t let me near her, but gradually she and the kittens would come closer as I put out some food for her. When they grew a bit older, I somehow managed to catch all five of them in an extravagant, chaotic plot involving two cages, a lot of scratches, and a lot of luck. Ma Barker even got away from the vets where I’d taken them to get fixed, but somehow they managed to find her again…at which point she nearly took off my hand when I picked her up.

Then, the Grumpus started coming by to eat. Initially, I chased him off, then I just gave up, establishing the rule that if they want food, they get snipped, and after that they’re welcome to stay. My wife was whelmed. She does not like cats. Cats like my wife.

Then, my painter asked, hey, you have cats, right? Want another one? My wife’s allergic. Uh, ok. That was Sammy.

Then Jiji showed up like he owned the place.

Then an unnamed one showed up – but he turned out to have feline leukemia before I could name him, so rather than risk the kitties I can’t catch to get them vaccinated, I released him far from here.

Then, the Trumpus showed up.

Then, Cocaine showed up.

We’ve lost a few since, but I don’t think we’re done.

Plus, they’re usually pretty entertaining, and some of them are even friendly.

You insensitive bastard, why don’t you take the cats inside?

Relax, Internet.

Cats are invasive pests. They kill a huge number of birds, and are a danger to many small animals. If you can, keep your cats indoors, and at the very least, get them spayed and neutered, and vaccinated so they don’t spread disease. Also, if you’re in a suburban or urban area, cats can get run over by cars, eat rat poison, get stolen, get abused by children (horrid creatures, I’d never considered acquiring one), or depending on where you live, injured or killed by predators.

Luckily we don’t have much in the way of predators or traffic here. But, as my wife’s allergic, and these are pretty feral animals, keeping them indoors is just not an option. Plus, they have a nice, big, safe space to live and play in, lots of food, water, shelter, toys, and other little kitty friends. And keeping them fat and happy means they’re less likely to kill birds, although they do get the occasional one.

Nature is metal, as they say.

Why this website?

I like my cats, and I like sharing things I like with people I like. I like you. You’re great.

Also, my wife told me I should try and monetize our cats.

I’ve never monetized anything, but hey, if I can whore them out to the world, maybe someone will kick me a few bucks to buy cat food.